just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
