The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize