We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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