would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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