Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
