I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
