I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
What a dumb baby whore.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
you never un-have a 4some
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
