Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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