Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
