those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
