I'm sorry my penis didn't work
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
