Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
