Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
