So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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