Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
