we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
