Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
