It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
