I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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