Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
