as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I am never drinking with the goths again.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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