i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
