She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
