Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
