So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
