Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
