I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
