I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
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