I think i peed on brittanys purse
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
