you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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