Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
