I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
