Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize