you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
