Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
