You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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