I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
