I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
