I can tuck mytits in my pants
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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