we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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