god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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