i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
