mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
