Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
