I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
