No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
