TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
