You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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