Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
