can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My breath smells like gin and sadness
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
