We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
