I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
