I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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