hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
