not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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