apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
