Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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