the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize