I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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