Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
