so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize