So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
