you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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