Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize