If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
