After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
