One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
