I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
