i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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