You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
