So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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