He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Ladies don't puke and tell
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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